I didn't have a healthy amount of self-love...
...RECIPE FOR DISASTER.
Not only was I miserable, but those inner feelings of sadness and self loathing, were palpable to those around me - which made them feel on edge. I finally discovered I needed a huge change when I started feeling that maybe life was just too hard.
It's since been a journey of healing, and exploration. Both of my world view and of self discovery. This is where my love for figure paintings comes in. I often paint to work through an emotion. I choose colours and brushstrokes carefully to evoke feelings and moods. It's a sort of self therapy. It is one of the outlets I use consistently. Yet I needed more.
...4 steps, and what I learned in applying them
- WHO ARE YOU?
- I'm grateful that I'm extra sensitive, because even though I can get hurt or offended easily, I can also empathize. I also think it helps me get deeper in my paintings, because I interpret feelings deeply. I can now love parts of myself that I had seen as flaws in the past.
- Even though I feel pain from life's experiences, like growing up extremely sheltered, or getting into an emotionally and abusive relationship, I'm grateful that I can empathize more with the struggles of others, and hopefully share my journey of growth thus helping them. I can now look at painful memories as catalysts to growth.
Here I needed to explore ways I could be self sabotaging myself. ...not me! well, maybe a little
- Why don't I exercise consistently? Still struggling with this one, but I think it boils down to time and energy. Yet I want more energy, and probably with more energy I'd end up with more time to put into the pursuits I love. So this one stays on my "keep improving" list. She did say the first step is acknowledging where we are not putting in our full effort and figuring out why.
- Why do I sometimes do laundry when I should be working on my business. Well, Lisa spoke to this in her Facebook group as well. I know how to do laundry, I won't fail at laundry. Yet by prioritizing laundry, I'm procrastinating at succeeding in different levels of my business because of fear of failure. This was a huge aha moment for me as a single mom. I now schedule time to work, and laundry is generally not included in this time - at least I'm more aware of the trap and what I was actually doing by putting housework over my business. I now see my business, my pursuits and my health as valuable, not just because it benefits others.
Don't feel selfish asking yourself this. Only by setting great goals, do we have the chance to achieve them.
I deserve / want:
- a business that allows me as a single mom to have time for my children
- to be treated with kindness and respect by my friends, partner and children
Where have I missed or grabbed opportunities, and how the difficulties I've faced today have actually benefited me...
- I used to be afraid of flying, and I'd prefer to not be in the spotlight. I took a chance and went' to California last fall for Fierce Con 2018 LA, an event celebrating women. I was honoured to be a sponsor and paint a portrait for one of the attendees. Now I have created friendships with women around the world, who support me emotionally, and in my art. If I hadn't taken the chance to reach out to the organizer, or to take the flight there, or to offer a painting for one of the women attending, I would have missed out on so many friendships and opportunities. I now see myself as stronger and more competent.
- A difficulty I face daily as a single mom is time management. This one is a constant battle for me. Yet with Lisa's formula, instead of wallowing in self pity, I can look at it as an opportunity to prioritize creatively, and stream line my work flow. It's not perfect, but with a better viewpoint of my situation, I feel empowered rather than defeated.