I didn't have a healthy amount of self-love...
It all started when I realized I had been making life choices that proved that I didn't have a healthy amount of self-love. I used to think that by doing and becoming the best wife, mother, daughter, housekeeper, worker, etc that I could be, I would be worthy of love. When I didn't get the reactions I had hoped for, I would spiral into self loathing, and try even harder.
...RECIPE FOR DISASTER.
Not only was I miserable, but those inner feelings of sadness and self loathing, were palpable to those around me - which made them feel on edge. I finally discovered I needed a huge change when I started feeling that maybe life was just too hard.
It's since been a journey of healing, and exploration. Both of my world view and of self discovery. This is where my love for figure paintings comes in. I often paint to work through an emotion. I choose colours and brushstrokes carefully to evoke feelings and moods. It's a sort of self therapy. It is one of the outlets I use consistently. Yet I needed more.
Enter scouring the web, social media, books, therapy - anything, that could finally help me figure my crap out. To be honest it's an ongoing endeavour. But when I come across something especially helpful- I just need to share it. When I found Lisa Cybaniak, I was moved by her story, and recently read the article on her blog about actual actions that could help us grow our self-love. Make sure you go back and read it here. For now here are the ...
...4 steps, and what I learned in applying them
2. WHY ARE YOU DOING THE THINGS YOU ARE DOING?
Here I needed to explore ways I could be self sabotaging myself. ...not me! well, maybe a little
3. WHAT DO YOU DESERVE? (step 3 ties directly with step 4)
Don't feel selfish asking yourself this. Only by setting great goals, do we have the chance to achieve them.
I deserve / want:
4. RECOGNIZE OPPORTUNITIES AS THEY PRESENT THEMSELVES
Where have I missed or grabbed opportunities, and how the difficulties I've faced today have actually benefited me...
Healthy Self-love, here I come!
Even though as humans we still need connection, and acceptance for our emotional health, I no longer look only for outward sources of approval. I am gaining the tools to see where struggles have made me stronger, what parts of me just need a little polishing to shine, what opportunities need to be grabbed to catapult me forward, and how new perspectives can shift my view of my situation.